Today I wanted to dive in with a topic that hit me in the heart.
I was taking a certification course that I'm doing for human design by Karen Curry Parker, who offers many resources on human design education. Karen threw out this one liner (she's so good at this) and it said: "You're not failing, you're aligning." It just hit me because I personally can relate to this feeling, this shadow side of myself where I feel a little lesser than. I feel like I am failing in so many different areas of my life and it makes me feel a little sad. You are not alone in this feeling and when you’re going through a hard time like this invite in the shadow and set a place for it at the table instead of keeping it hidden away. There are so many of us that go through self-doubt, and there is no reason to be scared or ashamed as you work through it.
I think that for me there's a little bit of a buffet there of different things that I could choose from but that really just hit me because I have fallen into patterns of putting pressure on myself. Do you ever feel like you put added pressure on yourself to reach a personal goal, a business goal, or maybe a relationship goal? Then find yourself a year later or two years later without any progress? I have, and what would happen is I’d place the blame on myself, thinking there was something wrong with me for not meeting this goal or expectation that I set, wanting to force some sort of end result.
What I've been taught recently is that alignment can't be rushed and it is not a finish line. It is not something that we can check off a list and I think that there's some part of me that has this deep desire and pressure to be done. I can see this in my human design chart because I have an open route to center and that is a part of the chart, when open, that you can feel under pressure to get things done. When that gate is open you are a little more susceptible to feeling that way, and I do quite often. What is the result? This snowballs into feeling bad about myself or critical or pushing in trying to be "productive."
There is this illusion that we “need” to stay busy. There's lots of different ways we can do this, one way is by collecting information, and there's so much information to collect these days, right? You can go that down rabbit hole after rabbit hole researching something, and by researching something and gathering information we think that we are closer to being successful, however we forget that there is this electrified part of that process that has to happen, which is the action. Action oftentimes can be slow, and that slow process can be intentional because we have other commitments.
Did you ever think that may be because we can't keep pace with how fast as our hearts want to expand, or as fast as we want to invite things into our life?